Go outside by Cults

"Go Outside" by the Cults music video featuring Emma Roberts and Dave Franco

I recently discovered Cults (the group lol) and their music ain't so bad. 

some alone time

appreciated.

you've got mail!

I turned on the tv and flipped to Bravo TV. Watched Wedding Planner and then this film, "You've Got Mail" came on. I didn't have anything better to do, so I was like, "eh, why not? don't look so bad." I thought it started off cute. Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) opens her vintage Apple bulky laptop and connects to the internet with dial-up. Excuse me, but it was a cute nostalgic moment. I remember the "good ol' days" when you had to impatiently wait to connect to the internet with dial-up, oh and that annoying little noise. Bad times, bad times. Anywho, Kathleen met this gentlemen through an online chat room and started emailing him, behind her partner's back, and she started falling in love with him. No shame. Little did she know, it was Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) the man behind this corporate book store down the corner from her book store. They didn't know who each other was so it was completely anonymous. While watching this, I thought to myself, "why are people more likely to open up with their most suppressed thoughts and feelings with strangers?" Is it because they're less likely to judge us? Or we've become so anti-social, we hide behind a screen to spill our thoughts and feelings? Who am I to say this? I hide behind a screen. It's not because we're anti-social, well some of us are, but that's not the point. We're too scared to say what is on our mind at the exact moment when we need to say it. This is what I got from this film. I dunno, maybe I'm crazy for babbling on and on about a film. I should stop here.

Let's all cherish this cute nostalgic moment, shall we? :')

my feelings translated into a song

you know what I mean - cults

I, I can't take things slowly
Come let away, that's what they all do
Help me cause I'm feeling shaky
Tell me what's wrong with my brain
Cause I seem to have lost it

Cause I am afraid of the light
Yeah, you know what I mean
And I can't sleep alone at night
Yeah, you know what I mean

Lonely, that's not quite my problem
I have all I need, haven't quite lost it
I try so hard to be happy
Cause something goes on once again

Please, please come and save me
Tell me what's wrong with my brain
Cause I seem to have lost it

Cause I am afraid of the light
Yeah, you know what I mean
And I can't sleep alone at night
Yeah, you know what I mean

Cause I am afraid of the light
Yeah, you know what I mean
Cause I can't sleep alone at night
Yeah, you know what I mean

summer tranformation

happy thoughts, happy thoughts

sigh I hope so. :/

college, college, college

Wow. Okay, so everyone like my peers, counselors, and family were expecting me to go to a university for college. Based on my grades and behavior, everyone placed me on a pedestal. They expected certain things from me. Things I knew I was not capable of. The dumbass that I am, I conformed myself to fit that mold. I did work my ass off in high school, don't get me wrong, I bullshited my way through and everything else was just me "winging it." I deprived myself from so much during high school to get those grades, but life had to interrupt and throw some trouble into it. That passed and senior year came. I was excited; finally my last year in high school. I sent out my college applications and got accepted to 8 out of the 11 schools that I applied to. Great schools too. My parents weren't too supportive. I was on this on my own, which by the way is a journey that is scary, stressful, and not always predictable if you're on your own. I planned to go to a great school an hour and a half away. Before May 1st, things went wrong here and there, and so I had to rush and check what schools I would be able to attend. I sent my intent to enroll at another school about an hour away, but still planned to attend another school 45 minutes away since I was wait listed and thought I would eventually get into. That didn't happen. I had a back-up plan so I should have been fine, right? NOPE. With no scholarships and no support from my parents, I gave up and lost my motivation. I didn't want to go anymore. I ignored the deadlines which led them (the school) to cancel my application. It did bite me in the ass. Now. I recently took my assessment test and my orientation at a community college. I placed below college level on my english and math. I was so disappointed because if I would have gone to a CSU, I would be in a college level math and english class. Sigh. I register for classes on Tuesday and everything is practically filled up already. I'm gonna end up taking a bunch of classes where I receive no transferable credits. My counselors were so disappointed in me. They had really expected much from me. It led me to feel like complete utter shit. I had great things going for me, and I ruined them. Something I worked extremely hard for - completely gone. This always happens. It's so odd for me to have good things happen and when they do either someone or I, subconsciously, ruin them. I feel like either way, I would have felt lost. I think I'm  not good at anything and that I will not succeed in life. I've never had confidence in me. I don't know what I'll do. Every day I have felt hopeless; like such a low-life. I'm not asking for pity. I just don't know what's ahead of me and I feel like no one is here to listen. I'm stranded in a vacant desert, standing in the middle of the road. Which way should I go? Left or right? 

I know this is something that I will deeply regret down the line. I'll never forgive myself. 

*~Grad Nite~*

 Disney California Adventure

 "I'm so photogenic"

*In our super galactic glasses for Star Tours*

 Teacups was one hell of a trip ;D

So two days after my graduation, we (my school) went to Grad Nite at Disneyland. We got park hopper passes this year. Yes, you heard that right! 

We left at after 3p.m., later than expected but whatever. I was on Bus 666 (inside joke). It was pretty much all the procrastinators, so you bet it was filled with random kids. 

My bus buddy was a good friend of mine. Her two friends who sat in front of us were discussing about jesus and god, while we were making fun of the whole thing. Oh, yeah two, HOT hardcore fellow atheists sat behind us. Ironic, I know.

Anyways, I got pretty bus sick on the way there. 

When we arrived, my mood turned upside down.

Last time I've been to Disneyland was when I was 3 years old. So I practically have never been there because I have no memory of it whatsoever.

With the park hopper passes, we (my bus buddy and her friends) went to Disney California Adventure first since it was gonna close before Disneyland.

We only went on one ride which was California Screamin'.

We waited for so long! But it was worth it. It's the best roller coaster I've been on; you bet your ass I screamed.

We left the park after that ride and headed to Disneyland. I'm not gonna lie, everything there looked similar than I imagined or at least how it appeared in photos.

My bus buddy and her friend and I sticked together and went on so many attractions! I don't even know which or how many we went on.

I bought some sparkly Minnie ears and those Kanye shades that light up (which I hope still work for Coachella next year. Yes, I plan ahead.)

I ditched them around 1 am, the same time I drank my 5-hour energy. Better energized than high. Trust me.

I met with my friends at one of the "clubs." 

The music was kinda wack, but it is Disneyland. I swear the dancefloor was like Coachella and a CCHS (my school) school dance combined. 

I danced with two dudes; it was fun while it lasted.

(White boys can dance btw ;)

Although I failed, but tried at grinding and bumping to that techno/dubstep/whatever it's called music at the same time.

It was over before I knew it and I was a bit sad. I was having too much fun.

And I was obviously kicking with energy after consuming like 250mg of caffeine.

Not cool.

We boarded the bus at 3 am and left Disneyland way later than planned.

Once we hit the road, almost everyone on Bus 666 was sound asleep. EXCEPT for me.

I put on my earphones and turned on my music and danced in my seat the WHOLE ride home.

I was not one bit tired.

I swear this dude sitting behind me kept looking at me, wondering if I was on something.

We got home after 6 am and everyone looked like zombies. Pussies.

I was still smiling and dancing to my music and rocking my silver, sparkly Minnie ears that I bought.

I got home and went to sleep at 7am and woke up at 9:40ish am.

I was a-okay.

When people refer to Disneyland as the "happiest place on Earth," they ain't bluffin'.

I had the best time and I will always remember it.

It was the perfect ending to my senior year of high school.

Good riddance to you high school!

 I was never fond of my own school, but throughout my senior year, I said, "hey! it ain't so bad"

I will always be a LION and I'll never forget where I came from. :')

I can't believe my 12 years of public education are done with. Honestly, I was not sad leaving high school, I didn't know what to feel, actually. I was confused; should I feel sad, happy, or excited? I was glad to be done with something that caused me daily anxiety. Graduation at my school was amazing and quite memorable. I was anticipating putting on that royal blue cap and gown and I proudly rocked that yellow stoll. It's crazy how I struggled in school as a kid. Being on the verge of flunking in elementary school, failing most of my classes in middle school, and earning a 4.0 the beginning of my freshman year and end of senior year. Ain't it funny how things turned out? I guess I could really say writing got me through school. I never excelled in anything besides writing. As I sit here confused wondering what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life, a keyboard and a blank word document and the repressed thoughts in my head are all I got on my back. Who knows where I'll go and what I'll do. As they say, when one chapter closes, another one opens. This new chapter in my life however, remains blank and I plan to write it out myself.

Prom 2012

My last dance of high school was prom and I am glad I went.

I actually wasn't intending to go because I was tired of everyone and school, but I made a decision to go last minute!

I rushed to LA a week before prom to buy my dress.

My classmate from my statistics class got a limo and invited a couple other people for the ride.

We went to dinner at Sammy G's in downtown Palm Springs.

Although it was a bit pricy, it was so worth it! The food was delicious.

I had Chicken Parmesan minus the Parmesan and fries.

After dinner, the limo driver found our vodka bottle and said he wasn't going to take us to the dance.

My friend and her date had fake IDs and they covered for us. ;D

He took us to prom after all and once I got there I found my friends on the dance floor and danced the night away.

Honestly though, I had more fun at winterball but at least I got to say that I went to my senior prom.

Everyone looked stunning and it was great seeing people who normally don't go to dances, there.

Update!

It's been over a month since I've updated!
May was hectic with senior events such as prom, my birthday, senior party, grad rehearsals, graduation, and grad nite!
I will post photos from all these events of my last month of my senior year (: